Dear Sir,

So there's this guy (eyes rolling)...

It's totally his fault. He carried my diaper bag and loaded my kids into the car for me. (And before you race to call DCF, I know this guy. I'm not just letting strangers hang out with my kids). So anyways, he's totally helpful and a complete piece of eye candy and his name just happens to sound like some type of medieval hero. We'll just call him Troy.

To his dear helpful man-cub and well entrusted Troy, Master of eye candy, a knight of the household of the viscount of Lakeland, greeting and a ready will to do his pleasure,

Because we know that you are uneasy about the state of Verymaryland and her young minions, and are interested in the general welfare of her kingdom and those closely related therein, I do beseech thee dear Troy to give me thine muscles. Yes, give me thine muscles.

No doubt an account has already reached you regarding the cute little nickname I keep for you that I try to keep to my chambers and in conference with my maidens. Being as you are aware of my crushing, I find it beneficial to give you exact information as to our request on how this is going to go down.

As stated prior, we want your muscles. The minions need carrying and being pushed on the swings. We will need to load you up like a pack mule with diapers, garments, goblets and portable chariots. Maiden Verymary beseeches your muscles for her personal use of opening spaghetti jars as well as in battle.

We request of thee, to be the front line.

Maiden Verymary does not like wearing soldier garb or the callouses that come with wielding weaponry. On closing note, thank you for your considerations...oh and can you not wear a shirt and grease 'em up?

Gratefully yours,

Maiden Verymary