At Bible study Wednesday night, a heading caught my eye "Divorce". Our study wasn't even on that. It was on the equally painful subject of forgiveness, but I was side tracked for a while reading and rereading the following passage:
Mathew 5:32
Mathew 5:32
I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.
Does that mean that if Wasband hadn't cheated on me the day after I left I wouldn't have biblical grounds for divorce? Does that also mean I was wrong for leaving him before adultery occurred, even though he was abusing me? Is sexual unfaithfulness the only permissible exit as far as God is concerned?
My gut says no. I know God loves me and the kids and wants us to be safe. I feel I was right to leave him and even file for divorce before I ever found out about the cheating.
Wasband was abusive for years, and was becoming more so. I had tried reconciliation. I tried to work things out. But is that enough as far as God is concerned? He wants us to turn the other cheek. Forgive without a number attached to how many times.
I've tried doing topical studies and am coming up empty. The divorce is happening, that isn't going to change, but according to the scriptures I've found, I cannot get married again without sinning. Is that true?
I've heard that passage before. I don't think you are sinning if you were to get married again. God loves you and your children, he wants you to be happy and safe.
ReplyDeleteI think you have to also consider that passage with the totality of the Bible - which is ultimately about God giving us fresh starts and release from the things that tangled us before.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was going through my divorce I had been seeking this very same question and two statements were uttered to me by many people, there was adultery so don't let that passage concern you and that in God's eyes we will never be perfect that is why he gave us grace. I struggled with this same passage for some time then God washed away these same thoughts and I felt reminded that he loves us, where we are. Christ still died so we could be free from the guilt and shame that divorce brings someone who goes through it. All of the first time Christian divorcees I talked to had the same sense of "shame" in the failure of their marriage at one time or another and they had to be reminded that guilt is of the enemy not of Christ. Christ is love not shame. Christ is forgiveness not guilt.
ReplyDeleteI am a Christian, but I am by NO means an expert on this. Just a disclaimer.
ReplyDeleteI think some of these verses shouldn't be interpreted literally- i.e. you are not an adultress if you are to get remarried. Also- you weren't wrong to leave him. I'm not sure exactly what happened, but from what I can gather from your posts, you absolutely 100% did the right thing. You protected your precious children and you got out of a bad situation.
You are young, beautiful, and an amazing woman. You have SO much ahead of you, and I truly think that includes new relationships! God forgives and loves you, just remember that.
He loves you... remember that... :)
ReplyDeleteA few thoughts come to mind.
ReplyDeleteI was reading the passage you mentioned in Luke in the NIV translation:
"Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery."
I found the Message version enlightening:
"Using the legalities of divorce as a cover for lust is adultery; Using the legalities of marriage as a cover for lust is adultery."
This difference in phrasing eludes to the motive. And like everyone else commented your motive has been pure: Safety is top priority.
Another passage comes to mind. 1 Corinthians 7: 15 NIV:
"But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances..."
Here is a solid portion of God's Word that speaks directly in your defense. Wasband became an unbeliever by beating you. Wasband left you by beating you. You are not bound.
Let freedom ring. Be free in your heart, Dear Sister!!!
we both know that i am not a christian, or religious in any aspect for reasons i will not delve into (not the proper place, but if you ever want to have a discussion i am open to one!), but bible passages such as this one really frustrate me. it's definitely indicative of the male perspective & antiquated beliefs in the bible. i feel like in the time that the bible was dictated to the apostles, it was extraordinarily common in the daily society of the time period for women to be treated as less than equal to men. it hurts me deeply that you are being faced with the contraditions of the bible & that anything is making you feel like you made anything less than the right decison for leaving someone who was abusive towards you in any manner.
ReplyDelete